Me: Do you have any idea how long I have been up? I went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 1:30 with indigestion (too much shrimp and baked potato). I have been up every since reading old posts on my [other blog]. Now the sun is starting to come up. I better hurry up and go back to bed before that thing is out in full force! Good night.
D: It sounds like you needed a wild Saturday night, and your dining options provided it! Well, as wild as it gets for you. I'm surprised you didn't have your friend Margarita there since you can always go for one, lol. Well, you will have a slow Sunday now, with lots of naps, so enjoy and relax. Wish I could be there.
Me: "I'm surprised you didn't have your friend Margarita there since you can always go for one, lol." Is that an attempt to veil your fears or disapproval in a joke? Honest question.
D: It was a cheap shot veiled in a joke that I shouldn't have taken, and I apologize. I wasn't thinking when I said it, but I guess I was still thinking of your blog comment. I know you don't drink often, but I guess I have a bit of a problem with any drinking, and I need to get over it because it's not a big deal.
Me: Thanks for being honest. I really appreciate that. Apology accepted! To me drinking is fine (even Jesus turned water into wine) as long as it's done in moderation. To describe my drinking habits as moderate would be an understatement. I've never been drunk before and I can count the number of drinks I've had this year on two fingers -- and one of those drinks was with you.
D: Which is why your statement caught me by surprise, and why I'm still struggling a little bit with it. Next to "I can always go for an orgy," it was the last thing I ever expected you to say.
Me: You just haven't gotten a chance to see me in an environment where I drink. The more time you spend around me you'll learn that, when I can afford it, I like to have a Margarita when I go to Mexican restaurants and when I'm at a club (which is rare) I'll have a Cosmopolitan or a Smirnoff Ice.
A text exchange later that day.
Me: Have a good day at work boo. Mommy loves you!
D: Daddy loves Mommy too. And Daddy apologizes again for being a dope.
Me: Will Daddy please stop beating himself up. You've already apologized once and Mommy hasn't given it a second thought.
D: You know beating myself up is my favorite pastime. I'll try to stop.
Me: Mommy prefers to think about you beating on Mr. Happy until you spray your warm cum all over her tits. Mmm, Mommy may have to stick her hand down her panties.
D: Bad Mommy. Very naughty Mommy.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Marriage
Me: Do you feel ready to be married? Like today? If I said, "Let's go to Vegas on your next day off and get hitched", would you be up for it?
I was thinking about the girl I sat next to on the plane ride up there and how her boyfriend has his house up for sale in Chicago. And I was also reading a blog today of a woman in Chicago who is dating a man in New York. She is moving to NYC to be with him.
Of course none of these people are getting married right away but there's no way I can afford to move to Chicago unless we are living together. And I don't wan't to live together without the benefit of marriage. So that means, in order to be together sooner, we would have to forgo the wedding and just get hitched.
Do you feel like you are ready for that? (It's okay if you're not; I'm not sure if I'm even ready) And if not, why not? What else do you feel needs to take place?
D: Well, as much as I fantasize about you being my wife, I'd have to say that yes, I'm ready to marry you. Of course, I want to wait until I'm financially ready to get you the ring you want so I can propose the right way, but yeah, if you dared me to marry you on the spot, I'd call your bluff. I don't see any downside to it for me. The woman I love and who represents so many good changes I've made to my personality over the last year being my official wife? Yippee!! I honestly don't think you would have the stomach, though. You can't even give me a blow job without a doctor's note, and you're going to marry me on a whim? I wouldn't pressure you like that because when you do marry me, I want it to be something you definitely 100% want to do. But yes, sweetheart, I want you for eternity, and I'm ready.
D: Well, as much as I fantasize about you being my wife, I'd have to say that yes, I'm ready to marry you. Of course, I want to wait until I'm financially ready to get you the ring you want so I can propose the right way, but yeah, if you dared me to marry you on the spot, I'd call your bluff. I don't see any downside to it for me. The woman I love and who represents so many good changes I've made to my personality over the last year being my official wife? Yippee!! I honestly don't think you would have the stomach, though. You can't even give me a blow job without a doctor's note, and you're going to marry me on a whim? I wouldn't pressure you like that because when you do marry me, I want it to be something you definitely 100% want to do. But yes, sweetheart, I want you for eternity, and I'm ready.
Me: Lol! Okay, ponder this for a moment. [Your ex-girlfriend] Sarah has had how many sexual partners? And you had unprotected sex how many times with people you didn't know? Damn skippy I'm asking you for a doctor's note! And you should want one from me as well. You shouldn't trust what I tell you. Not when it's your life at stake.
But yes, this just proves that I don't do big things on a whim. When I make a big decision, it is well thought out (possibly over-analyzed) and most likely, I have a detailed list of how my decision should be carried out.
D: I'm sorry honey. I think you misunderstood why I said that you wouldn't give me a blow job without a doctor's note. I'm not questioning your decision at all, it's very smart, I was just pointing out that you're an extremely ordered person and you have stages in your mind that we should be taking, so I know you're not ready to jump to the stage of marriage right this moment. I'm honored you would even want to, though.
Me: You're right. I misunderstood. Forgive me!
D: You're forgiven. BTW, predictably, I woke up with a raging hard-on and all the time in the world to relax and do whatever I wanted, so Mr. Happy was happy for the first time since you last saw him. The porno I watched featured some cunnilingus, so I've been daydreaming about sticking my tongue all the way inside your twat.
Me: Mmmmm. You're making me hot!
D: I'm sorry honey. I think you misunderstood why I said that you wouldn't give me a blow job without a doctor's note. I'm not questioning your decision at all, it's very smart, I was just pointing out that you're an extremely ordered person and you have stages in your mind that we should be taking, so I know you're not ready to jump to the stage of marriage right this moment. I'm honored you would even want to, though.
Me: You're right. I misunderstood. Forgive me!
D: You're forgiven. BTW, predictably, I woke up with a raging hard-on and all the time in the world to relax and do whatever I wanted, so Mr. Happy was happy for the first time since you last saw him. The porno I watched featured some cunnilingus, so I've been daydreaming about sticking my tongue all the way inside your twat.
Me: Mmmmm. You're making me hot!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Lessons learned
D: I don't just miss you baby, so does my mouth, my hands, and my fingers. And Mr. Happy is sad too.
Me: My body misses you too. I'm surprised Mr. Happy isn't glad to be rid of me. Now he doesn't have to feel pressure to perform.
D: Honey, my dick would be tired and I'd be worried that it was done, but when you would touch it or play with it, it would get hard for you.
Me: It certainly came a lot for me. I was glad for that. And my hair has a silky sheen to it. ;) Mmmm. All this talk is making me hot for you again. You know how wet you make me.
D: I know. I loved slowing my fingers down and then speeding them back up and making you wet all over again.
Me: What else did you discover about my body this weekend?
D: Your ass can really take a pounding! And you've been working on relaxing your vaginal muscles to allow deeper penetration.
Me: Or maybe I concentrated on being more relaxed. Did you learn anything from me touching myself?
D: Yes, lol. That you're so tense in my presence that you can't even make yourself cum.
Me: LOL! So sad but so true.
Friday, June 15, 2007
A reply
Dear Angel:
I just read your naughty blog and it was so intense and personal that I'm sweating. I feel so happy and fortunate that I am with a woman who feels such desire for me and for sexuality in general. The reason a weekend with no plan worked out so well is because you are so eager to enjoy our experiences together, and in turn, that makes me very eager to show you sensations that I think you would enjoy, like the massage-oil fingering, as well as things I knew you would enjoy, like your punishment. And I really, really love the fact that we are doing things in stages, introducing each other to new things with each visit. Eventually I'm going to get to a doctor and get declared clean, and the visit after that will involve oral play, and we'll have even more fun. I'm wondering what will happen when I'm sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed and you're straddling my head and I'm sucking on your clit while reaching back and punishing you. Perhaps that will make you cum? Perhaps not? Either way, we'll enjoy ourselves. And the first time you take my member in your mouth and make my entire body tingle, I will never forget it. I'm delighted to read how I make you feel on your blog, and believe me, you make me feel just as good. And baby, the fun has just begun.
Love,
D
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The benefits of having no plan
Dear D:
I just wanted to let you know what a wonderful time I had with you on my recent visit. When I bought my plane ticket 2 months ago, our visit seemed like a million years away. But the time went by fairly quickly and before I knew it, I was packing my bags to come see you.
As usual, I had butterflies in my stomach. You would think that after 14 months, being in your presence would be old hat but it's not. I still bubble over with school-girl excitement at the very idea of seeing you. And like a little kid on Christmas morning, I almost exploded with anticipation wondering how our visit would go sexually.
You always say that I should not plan out our time together, that I should relax and let things happen naturally. Well, I took your advice. My plan for our visit was to not have a plan and to see what would happen as a result. I was not disappointed. Our physical encounters were more intense because they were not forced. The no-plan plan of action also allowed for some pleasant surprises for both of us.
Since Saturday was to be full of activity and Sunday would probably be a day of recuperation, I had suspected that Friday night, our first night together, would be our best opportunity for physical interaction. It was not. We opted for much needed sleep instead. I wasn't altogether surprised (or bothered) by this. I was surprised, however, by what happened the next morning.
As we lay in bed, enjoying our last few minutes of spooning before hitting the ground running, you announced that I have been a very naughty girl and, like all naughty girls, I must be punished. You then proceeded to pull down my panties and spank me until my ass was red, warm and tingly all while planting soft, sensual kisses on the back of my neck.
I was in heaven. The sting of your licks coupled with the those luscious kisses was enough to make my pussy so wet that I ruined your sheets. I won't apologize for that because I firmly believe that there's no better way to ruin a set of silk sheets than by fulfilling your girlfriend's life-long sexual fantasy.
And I wasn't the only one who had a fantasy fulfilled.
I've known for a while that you have longed to watch me masturbate but I've often felt too self-conscious to indulge you. On our last night together, I got up the courage to pleasure myself in front of you albeit with the lights off.
For several minutes you watched as I writhed and squirmed under my own touch. Eventually though, you took over and made me feel sensations the intensity of which I had never felt before. I meant it when I said that it was the best vaginal play that I had ever experienced. And I have you to thank for it.
Had I stuck with my usual m.o. of determining which sexual acts we would engage in beforehand, our time together would not have been nearly as satisfying. What we had instead was a wildly enjoyable and intensely pleasurable visit. It was the perfect trip. A trip that couldn't have gone any better had I planned it.
As usual, I had butterflies in my stomach. You would think that after 14 months, being in your presence would be old hat but it's not. I still bubble over with school-girl excitement at the very idea of seeing you. And like a little kid on Christmas morning, I almost exploded with anticipation wondering how our visit would go sexually.
You always say that I should not plan out our time together, that I should relax and let things happen naturally. Well, I took your advice. My plan for our visit was to not have a plan and to see what would happen as a result. I was not disappointed. Our physical encounters were more intense because they were not forced. The no-plan plan of action also allowed for some pleasant surprises for both of us.
Since Saturday was to be full of activity and Sunday would probably be a day of recuperation, I had suspected that Friday night, our first night together, would be our best opportunity for physical interaction. It was not. We opted for much needed sleep instead. I wasn't altogether surprised (or bothered) by this. I was surprised, however, by what happened the next morning.
As we lay in bed, enjoying our last few minutes of spooning before hitting the ground running, you announced that I have been a very naughty girl and, like all naughty girls, I must be punished. You then proceeded to pull down my panties and spank me until my ass was red, warm and tingly all while planting soft, sensual kisses on the back of my neck.
I was in heaven. The sting of your licks coupled with the those luscious kisses was enough to make my pussy so wet that I ruined your sheets. I won't apologize for that because I firmly believe that there's no better way to ruin a set of silk sheets than by fulfilling your girlfriend's life-long sexual fantasy.
And I wasn't the only one who had a fantasy fulfilled.
I've known for a while that you have longed to watch me masturbate but I've often felt too self-conscious to indulge you. On our last night together, I got up the courage to pleasure myself in front of you albeit with the lights off.
For several minutes you watched as I writhed and squirmed under my own touch. Eventually though, you took over and made me feel sensations the intensity of which I had never felt before. I meant it when I said that it was the best vaginal play that I had ever experienced. And I have you to thank for it.
Had I stuck with my usual m.o. of determining which sexual acts we would engage in beforehand, our time together would not have been nearly as satisfying. What we had instead was a wildly enjoyable and intensely pleasurable visit. It was the perfect trip. A trip that couldn't have gone any better had I planned it.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Blind Trust
Me: Today, I was reading a blog post about long-distance relationships. It mentioned that you have to trust your partner "blindly", which is something that I have learned and am continuing to learn. Every now and then though I'll have thoughts like I did this afternoon when I called you. "Was he talking to someone else when I called?" "Is he pursuing someone else?" But then I am reminded that if this is going to work then blind trust is required. I wish that I didn't have to have these battles. I wish I was the epitome of confidence and security and negative thoughts like that never crossed my mind. But they do and I have to bat them down. Do you ever find yourself consistently fighting these types of battles or am I really off my rocker?
D: I was fighting the exact same battle waiting for your return call. I was really hoping you weren't taking some time off before you visit me to satisfy your lover down in Memphis. When you called, my tape of last year's [NBA] Finals was on, so I had trouble hearing what you were saying. I wasn't talking to anyone. Look, we both are scared shitless of putting our hearts in someone else's hands, you because you've been so cautious and don't want to screw up now, and me because I've been so hopeful that I found the one before and I can't stand the thought of getting messed up again. There's nothing wrong with feeling some concern inside. It shows that you're not stupid. I don't know if there's anything I can say to prove to you 100% that your heart is safe with me, and I don't know if there's anything you can do either. We just have to figure out how to arrive at that "blind" level mutually. It's just a matter of time, and of closeness, because it's damn near impossible to trust anyone as far away as we are. I hope you're still willing to work on it. I know I am.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Pornography and Contradictions
I am a woman who possesses strong convictions (being born and raised in the Bible Belt will do that to you.) But despite my deeply held beliefs, I am also a woman whose actions consistently defy those beliefs. No where is this fact more evident than in the way I view pornography.
I have a love-hate relationship with pornography. There are some aspects of it that I find titillating (like the sex) but there are other aspects (the degradation of women and the disparity in the way black porn actress are treated on film as opposed to white actresses) that absolutely disgust me and offend me at the highest levels. But when I am feeling particularly horny, I won't hesitate to watch a porno. I hate this about myself.
D. watches porn pretty regularly and has a collection of about 40 tapes. This bothers me more than I let on. If this relationship is moving towards marriage, and I think it is, then I would prefer, once the I do's are said, that pornography not be a part of our union. I just think it would make for a much healthier sex life. But how can I expect D. to give up pornography when I haven't been able to do the same? That's not just contradictory, it's hypocritical.
I won't apologize for my contradictions. It's part of what makes me who I am. But, in this instance, I do need to learn how to deal with the pornography issue in a way that won't be detrimental to my relationship. Or my psyche.
I have a love-hate relationship with pornography. There are some aspects of it that I find titillating (like the sex) but there are other aspects (the degradation of women and the disparity in the way black porn actress are treated on film as opposed to white actresses) that absolutely disgust me and offend me at the highest levels. But when I am feeling particularly horny, I won't hesitate to watch a porno. I hate this about myself.
D. watches porn pretty regularly and has a collection of about 40 tapes. This bothers me more than I let on. If this relationship is moving towards marriage, and I think it is, then I would prefer, once the I do's are said, that pornography not be a part of our union. I just think it would make for a much healthier sex life. But how can I expect D. to give up pornography when I haven't been able to do the same? That's not just contradictory, it's hypocritical.
I won't apologize for my contradictions. It's part of what makes me who I am. But, in this instance, I do need to learn how to deal with the pornography issue in a way that won't be detrimental to my relationship. Or my psyche.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Sexual Fantasies
Me: At 4 o'clock this morning, I was having an orgasm to a fantasy where we were spooning on your bed and you we finger-fucking me from behind. Occasionally, you threw in a stinging slap to my ass. That makes 5 orgasms in 2 days. What did I say about not overdoing it? I'm such a nympho. And you turn me on so incredibly. It's all your fault! I hope you've had an explosive morning.
D: I had a very explosive morning, and I hope you're secure enough so that I can tell you that it was from a dream that didn't involve you. As always, I fell asleep thinking of you and wishing you were with me. But I watched those women's wrestling matches, and as a result the dream I was having this morning was that I was in a situation, perhaps a strip club, where other people were in the room and I was sitting back in a chair while a naked woman with a sculpted body kept grinding on me and begging me to fuck her, but as hard as I was, I couldn't because I would be cheating on you. I suppose that's a good sign, that even in my dreams with a hot bod begging for it, I was refusing to give it to her. But when I woke up, I was extremely aroused and had to release myself. I think if I hadn't, I'd be thinking about this mythical woman all day, and I'd feel guilty. So we're both nymphos, lol. BTW, I'm sure you have fantasies about people other than me, and I have no problem with that whatsoever. It's human nature. I'll probably dream tonight about spooning you and letting your clit ride up and down my leg while I smack your ass so hard we hear echoes. Or at least I'll be fantasizing about it all day. Take care!
Me: Color me weird, but I try not to have fantasies that don’t involve you in some form or fashion. I’m not the kind of person that can have someone else as the object of my desires and not be affected emotionally. Not normally anyway. Now I will get turned on by watching two people on screen going at it and I may fantasize about it later but I’m not usually injecting myself in the situation. I guess that might be the same thing
D: I would actually encourage you to have fantasies that don't involve me. I would think it unhealthy if you have to stifle every attraction you have or ever had to someone else just because you now have a boyfriend. Do you ever have fantasies where you are trying to think only of me but someone else you find attractive keeps popping up, so to speak? Sometimes I am thinking of you, and someone else comes into my mind, so I take that as a sign that right now it's time to fantasize about someone else, and I will get back to you later. How do you feel about that? Honest.
Me: This would normally be a part of myself that I would stifle for fear of rejection or fear of appearing to be judgemental, which I'm not trying to be, but I feel it's necessary to offer an explanation as to why I stifle fantasies involving other people. And I think you deserve to know about that part of myself.
You've heard of the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery" right? Well later in the scriptures Jesus is talking to the Jewish religious leaders of that time and basically tells them that although they have not slept with women other than their wives, they have entertained such thoughts in their hearts and that is the same as committing adultery, in God's eyes at least although it certainly doesn't have the same consequences.
Since one of my big things is having a healthy relationship and marriage, I'm trying to build habits now that I think will help down the road. I understand that not everybody has this conviction and it's not something that I would try to force on you. It's just an explanation of why I do what I do.
I don't want you to feel that you can't talk about your fantasies with me. As far as consequences go, there is a definite difference between thoughts and actions and I think it's important for us to create an environment where we both feel comfortable discussing these things.
How I feel is that even though I temper my fantasies, this is not something I'm going to bust your chops about. And I want you to continue to be open with me about your thoughts and feelings.
Now. How do you feel about all this? Honest.
D: I'm sure I will be showing my ignorance towards religion and your beliefs, but I can't imagine practically applying the notion of not even entertaining the thought of being with someone else without building up a resentment for your partner and/or an exaggerated attraction for the other person you want to think about. Maybe we don't operate the same way, but if I tried to put a shackle on my brain when it comes to thinking about another woman, I would run a deep risk of succumbing to temptation if the offer came because I would have those thoughts that I wasn't able to think all the way through and fantasize about and I'd be hard-pressed to keep them hidden any longer. But I really feel that releasing myself thinking about someone I'm attracted to makes me healthy in the mind because now I won't walk around all day or for several days having flashes of someone else involuntarily going through my mind. I haven't thought about that dream since I woke up and masturbated to it. But if I didn't do that, I'd still have a hard-on and I'd feel tortured. So that's where I stand. Do you think I'm weak because of that?
Me: No, baby, I think you're human. I guess I'm able to stifle my fantasies and be OK with it because I don't necessarily see that deprivation as a threat to our relationship. Yes, I have wanted to fantasize about people that I'm attracted to and, for me, entertaining those thoughts feels more like a threat. Choosing not to entertain those thoughts diffuses it for me.
D: You don't think there's going to be resentment towards me if you're constantly trying to rechannel every fantasy you have into something involving me? Don't you think that's potentially unhealthy?
Me: No, I don't feel the least bit resentful so therefore I don't feel that it's unhealthy. If I did notice myself feeling resentful, my first instinct would be to try and change my perspective on the situation. But that's just me.
This dialogue we are having is good. If we are going to meld two different spiritual perspectives into a healthy, happy relationship there HAS to be lots of communication and mutual respect.
Does this make you have doubts about being with me?
D: No, not at all. I just worry that you're trying to funnel all of your fantasies and thoughts into me and only me, and that just seems wrong to me. I am not the beginning and ending of your sexual thoughts. I'm worried that you'll injure your brain trying to force it to see me as your only object of desire.
Me: I haven't injured it yet. In fact, it gets quite turned on by you.
D: I had a very explosive morning, and I hope you're secure enough so that I can tell you that it was from a dream that didn't involve you. As always, I fell asleep thinking of you and wishing you were with me. But I watched those women's wrestling matches, and as a result the dream I was having this morning was that I was in a situation, perhaps a strip club, where other people were in the room and I was sitting back in a chair while a naked woman with a sculpted body kept grinding on me and begging me to fuck her, but as hard as I was, I couldn't because I would be cheating on you. I suppose that's a good sign, that even in my dreams with a hot bod begging for it, I was refusing to give it to her. But when I woke up, I was extremely aroused and had to release myself. I think if I hadn't, I'd be thinking about this mythical woman all day, and I'd feel guilty. So we're both nymphos, lol. BTW, I'm sure you have fantasies about people other than me, and I have no problem with that whatsoever. It's human nature. I'll probably dream tonight about spooning you and letting your clit ride up and down my leg while I smack your ass so hard we hear echoes. Or at least I'll be fantasizing about it all day. Take care!
Me: Color me weird, but I try not to have fantasies that don’t involve you in some form or fashion. I’m not the kind of person that can have someone else as the object of my desires and not be affected emotionally. Not normally anyway. Now I will get turned on by watching two people on screen going at it and I may fantasize about it later but I’m not usually injecting myself in the situation. I guess that might be the same thing
D: I would actually encourage you to have fantasies that don't involve me. I would think it unhealthy if you have to stifle every attraction you have or ever had to someone else just because you now have a boyfriend. Do you ever have fantasies where you are trying to think only of me but someone else you find attractive keeps popping up, so to speak? Sometimes I am thinking of you, and someone else comes into my mind, so I take that as a sign that right now it's time to fantasize about someone else, and I will get back to you later. How do you feel about that? Honest.
Me: This would normally be a part of myself that I would stifle for fear of rejection or fear of appearing to be judgemental, which I'm not trying to be, but I feel it's necessary to offer an explanation as to why I stifle fantasies involving other people. And I think you deserve to know about that part of myself.
You've heard of the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery" right? Well later in the scriptures Jesus is talking to the Jewish religious leaders of that time and basically tells them that although they have not slept with women other than their wives, they have entertained such thoughts in their hearts and that is the same as committing adultery, in God's eyes at least although it certainly doesn't have the same consequences.
Since one of my big things is having a healthy relationship and marriage, I'm trying to build habits now that I think will help down the road. I understand that not everybody has this conviction and it's not something that I would try to force on you. It's just an explanation of why I do what I do.
I don't want you to feel that you can't talk about your fantasies with me. As far as consequences go, there is a definite difference between thoughts and actions and I think it's important for us to create an environment where we both feel comfortable discussing these things.
How I feel is that even though I temper my fantasies, this is not something I'm going to bust your chops about. And I want you to continue to be open with me about your thoughts and feelings.
Now. How do you feel about all this? Honest.
D: I'm sure I will be showing my ignorance towards religion and your beliefs, but I can't imagine practically applying the notion of not even entertaining the thought of being with someone else without building up a resentment for your partner and/or an exaggerated attraction for the other person you want to think about. Maybe we don't operate the same way, but if I tried to put a shackle on my brain when it comes to thinking about another woman, I would run a deep risk of succumbing to temptation if the offer came because I would have those thoughts that I wasn't able to think all the way through and fantasize about and I'd be hard-pressed to keep them hidden any longer. But I really feel that releasing myself thinking about someone I'm attracted to makes me healthy in the mind because now I won't walk around all day or for several days having flashes of someone else involuntarily going through my mind. I haven't thought about that dream since I woke up and masturbated to it. But if I didn't do that, I'd still have a hard-on and I'd feel tortured. So that's where I stand. Do you think I'm weak because of that?
Me: No, baby, I think you're human. I guess I'm able to stifle my fantasies and be OK with it because I don't necessarily see that deprivation as a threat to our relationship. Yes, I have wanted to fantasize about people that I'm attracted to and, for me, entertaining those thoughts feels more like a threat. Choosing not to entertain those thoughts diffuses it for me.
D: You don't think there's going to be resentment towards me if you're constantly trying to rechannel every fantasy you have into something involving me? Don't you think that's potentially unhealthy?
Me: No, I don't feel the least bit resentful so therefore I don't feel that it's unhealthy. If I did notice myself feeling resentful, my first instinct would be to try and change my perspective on the situation. But that's just me.
This dialogue we are having is good. If we are going to meld two different spiritual perspectives into a healthy, happy relationship there HAS to be lots of communication and mutual respect.
Does this make you have doubts about being with me?
D: No, not at all. I just worry that you're trying to funnel all of your fantasies and thoughts into me and only me, and that just seems wrong to me. I am not the beginning and ending of your sexual thoughts. I'm worried that you'll injure your brain trying to force it to see me as your only object of desire.
Me: I haven't injured it yet. In fact, it gets quite turned on by you.
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