Sexual Fantasies

Me: At 4 o'clock this morning, I was having an orgasm to a fantasy where we were spooning on your bed and you we finger-fucking me from behind. Occasionally, you threw in a stinging slap to my ass. That makes 5 orgasms in 2 days. What did I say about not overdoing it? I'm such a nympho. And you turn me on so incredibly. It's all your fault! I hope you've had an explosive morning.

D: I had a very explosive morning, and I hope you're secure enough so that I can tell you that it was from a dream that didn't involve you. As always, I fell asleep thinking of you and wishing you were with me. But I watched those women's wrestling matches, and as a result the dream I was having this morning was that I was in a situation, perhaps a strip club, where other people were in the room and I was sitting back in a chair while a naked woman with a sculpted body kept grinding on me and begging me to fuck her, but as hard as I was, I couldn't because I would be cheating on you. I suppose that's a good sign, that even in my dreams with a hot bod begging for it, I was refusing to give it to her. But when I woke up, I was extremely aroused and had to release myself. I think if I hadn't, I'd be thinking about this mythical woman all day, and I'd feel guilty. So we're both nymphos, lol. BTW, I'm sure you have fantasies about people other than me, and I have no problem with that whatsoever. It's human nature. I'll probably dream tonight about spooning you and letting your clit ride up and down my leg while I smack your ass so hard we hear echoes. Or at least I'll be fantasizing about it all day. Take care!

Me: Color me weird, but I try not to have fantasies that don’t involve you in some form or fashion. I’m not the kind of person that can have someone else as the object of my desires and not be affected emotionally. Not normally anyway. Now I will get turned on by watching two people on screen going at it and I may fantasize about it later but I’m not usually injecting myself in the situation. I guess that might be the same thing

D: I would actually encourage you to have fantasies that don't involve me. I would think it unhealthy if you have to stifle every attraction you have or ever had to someone else just because you now have a boyfriend. Do you ever have fantasies where you are trying to think only of me but someone else you find attractive keeps popping up, so to speak? Sometimes I am thinking of you, and someone else comes into my mind, so I take that as a sign that right now it's time to fantasize about someone else, and I will get back to you later. How do you feel about that? Honest.


Me: This would normally be a part of myself that I would stifle for fear of rejection or fear of appearing to be judgemental, which I'm not trying to be, but I feel it's necessary to offer an explanation as to why I stifle fantasies involving other people. And I think you deserve to know about that part of myself.

You've heard of the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery" right? Well later in the scriptures Jesus is talking to the Jewish religious leaders of that time and basically tells them that although they have not slept with women other than their wives, they have entertained such thoughts in their hearts and that is the same as committing adultery, in God's eyes at least although it certainly doesn't have the same consequences.

Since one of my big things is having a healthy relationship and marriage, I'm trying to build habits now that I think will help down the road. I understand that not everybody has this conviction and it's not something that I would try to force on you. It's just an explanation of why I do what I do.

I don't want you to feel that you can't talk about your fantasies with me. As far as consequences go, there is a definite difference between thoughts and actions and I think it's important for us to create an environment where we both feel comfortable discussing these things.

How I feel is that even though I temper my fantasies, this is not something I'm going to bust your chops about. And I want you to continue to be open with me about your thoughts and feelings.

Now. How do you feel about all this? Honest.

D: I'm sure I will be showing my ignorance towards religion and your beliefs, but I can't imagine practically applying the notion of not even entertaining the thought of being with someone else without building up a resentment for your partner and/or an exaggerated attraction for the other person you want to think about. Maybe we don't operate the same way, but if I tried to put a shackle on my brain when it comes to thinking about another woman, I would run a deep risk of succumbing to temptation if the offer came because I would have those thoughts that I wasn't able to think all the way through and fantasize about and I'd be hard-pressed to keep them hidden any longer. But I really feel that releasing myself thinking about someone I'm attracted to makes me healthy in the mind because now I won't walk around all day or for several days having flashes of someone else involuntarily going through my mind. I haven't thought about that dream since I woke up and masturbated to it. But if I didn't do that, I'd still have a hard-on and I'd feel tortured. So that's where I stand. Do you think I'm weak because of that?

Me: No, baby, I think you're human. I guess I'm able to stifle my fantasies and be OK with it because I don't necessarily see that deprivation as a threat to our relationship. Yes, I have wanted to fantasize about people that I'm attracted to and, for me, entertaining those thoughts feels more like a threat. Choosing not to entertain those thoughts diffuses it for me.

D: You don't think there's going to be resentment towards me if you're constantly trying to rechannel every fantasy you have into something involving me? Don't you think that's potentially unhealthy?

Me: No, I don't feel the least bit resentful so therefore I don't feel that it's unhealthy. If I did notice myself feeling resentful, my first instinct would be to try and change my perspective on the situation. But that's just me.

This dialogue we are having is good. If we are going to meld two different spiritual perspectives into a healthy, happy relationship there HAS to be lots of communication and mutual respect.

Does this make you have doubts about being with me?

D: No, not at all. I just worry that you're trying to funnel all of your fantasies and thoughts into me and only me, and that just seems wrong to me. I am not the beginning and ending of your sexual thoughts. I'm worried that you'll injure your brain trying to force it to see me as your only object of desire.

Me: I haven't injured it yet. In fact, it gets quite turned on by you.