Thoughts on us

Me: It bothered me when you revealed that you stare at the girl from work. In my mind, it's one thing to recognize when a woman is attractive, and even to find yourself attracted to her. It's quite another to undress her with your eyes. It made me think, Do I want my husband engaging in that kind of behavior when I'm not around? I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to stare down another woman if I'm not in the vicinity; I'm just saying that it bothers me. It also made me wonder, after spending weeks drooling over this woman, if she were to make a pass at you, would you resist or would you cave in to that desire that has been stoked inside you? And would this happen before or after the wedding vows? Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm seeing this situation through the eyes of a woman instead of a man. I know that men are visual creatures. I can remember how W. would practically break his neck trying to check out a pretty lady. But I also know how much he loved his wife, and I can never imagine him cheating on her. But I still don't like the behavior. At the same time, I don't want my issues to ever stop you from being completely open and honest with me. If we're ever going to make it as a married couple, we have to be willing to be totally honest with one another. I think the truthfulness, even though it may be uncomfortable sometimes, will make us stronger.

And speaking of truthfulness, I should be honest and admit that there has been one instance where I have been somewhat tempted since we've started dating. The first time I went to Neru's blog, I thought he was intelligent and witty, and was immediately attracted to his personality. When we started IMing, I would catch myself innocently flirting with him, and enjoying his attention more than I should. I recognized this could be a dangerous situation if it were to get out of hand, and I tried to keep the relationship platonic. That was about the time he showed his ass, and that was the end of that. If you haven't noticed by now, Awii has a harmless crush on me as well, but I'm not attracted to him in a romantic sense. To his credit, he has been nothing but respectful of our relationship, and has treated me like a sister. We have managed to forge a mutually beneficial, platonic friendship. I can see Awii and I meeting in person someday, and, even though he is not your "type", I would love it if he could be friends with both of us.

I have been thinking today about what I am looking for in a man spiritually. I think it's safe to say that I am no longer that strict fundamentalist I once was. I'm even more relaxed in my beliefs than when we first met. So, if I'm not looking for some ultra-devout, hyper-conservative, on the verge of becoming a minister type of man, then what am I looking for? I don't know, but the conversation we had a week or so ago where we talked about whether my job changes were an indication from God that I should move to Chicago -- I really enjoyed that brief but honest exchange. What I liked most was that we weren't talking about God in the context of just me and my life, but we were talking about God in the context of us. That meant a lot to me.



D: I'm always grateful for your honest thoughts. I certainly don't ever want to get to the point where I feel like I have to hide the things I'm thinking from you, because that is truly the slippery slope that starts the habit of keeping secrets. I don't think there's anything I have to keep from you, and that can only help our relationship develop. I don't feel like I'm really undressing that girl at work with my eyes. I know there's not much of a difference between undressing her with my eyes and noticing her every day, but there is. I wasn't going into fantasies about her or obsessing over her, like I would a few years ago. I was thinking briefly about what would happen if she forcefully came on to me, but it's not like I think about that a lot. I was just mulling it over. As for Neru, I'm not surprised that you had an attraction for him because from reading his comments, he seems like one of those guys who cultivates an image meant to attract women. I mean, who makes his profile picture a closeup of his mouth? I'm not upset or worried because you're smart enough to engage in playful flirting without going too far, and you're honest enough to let me know if you want to go farther with someone else. And as far as what God has in store for us, I'm taking the view that I'm letting God dictate what happens and just doing what I'm doing. So I really was asking you what plan you think God has for us, because I don't know if I would see it clearly even if it was right in front of me. All I can say for sure is, I'm not going anywhere, I may not know what the magic moment looks like where I think it's time for us to get married, but I'm anxiously awaiting that moment, and I don't want anything else.